Monday, January 15, 2018

Here Comes The Bride

So, No, nobody's actually getting Married in the Family, but I did just make an Antique Taxidermy Mount into a Bride Today.  *Smiles*  The Man always tells me, "But they're Boy Mounts!", I don't Care.  *Winks*  I also don't Care if you like Taxidermy or loathe it, to each his own and we can agree to disagree about that topic respectfully and leave it at that without Words.   I happen to Rescue any very Old Antique Specimens that have seen better days and probably nobody else wants anymore due to their Aging Imperfections.

This was one of them that was a recent Rescue, it's in bad shape and so the Vendor that exited our Mall left it behind and I Adopted it and took it Home where it will be Cherished.   I'd guesstimate that it's a White Tail Mount from the 1920-1930's Era, of which I have several Taxidermy Specimens from that Time Period.  Time has not been Kind to them anymore than anyone else from that Era, by the time you're that Old you've clearly seen better days... or are probably Dead too?!?  *LOL*

I suppose my Point is, whether any of these died Natural Causes or were Hunted, being from the Era they came from, none would still be Living regardless.   Nature being what it is, nothing living is Eternal on the Earth anyway.  And who would want to be, I don't think I'd want to be Immortal, especially if everyone else I Cared about wasn't.  I remember my Mom saying the hardest part about growing Old wasn't the Aging Process, she did all that with incredible Grace and Good Humor... it was the Outliving of other folks.  Especially if you begin Outliving all your Friends and Loved Ones, she said that part of the Process of attaining the privilege of Old Age Sucked and was Emotionally difficult.

But this isn't a morbid Post, nor even a Gloomy Emotional one for me, I'm not in my Dark Place anymore, Thank God!!!   I had kinda scraped the bottom here recently and dragged there a while... I tend to Analyze what causes that and Why it's sometimes so Intense?   I haven't come up with any solid Profound Answers tho', but if I do, I'll be sure to Share the Epiphany!  *LMAO*   With having had that Love-Hate Relationship with Villa Boheme' it's been difficult for three years, that's all I can actually say with any certainty.  Since that's a new experience for me, since I've always just had a Love Relationship with previous Homes and their Communities, I guess it's just reaching an Acceptance and Peace about the profound differences that aren't Positive for me?

And you all know I actually do Love the actual House itself, it's just the Community I loathe, so I still do thoroughly Enjoy making it Pretty and our Vibe, so I'm carrying on with the Decorating Process for now.   I have decided however not to do the Painting Projects upstairs, I'll keep my Kabuki Red and Chalkboard Black cans of Paint for when I have my Forever Home, whenever and where ever that will be?  If I never arrive at one just let me know who I should Will such Colors to and you can then paint your Forever Home with it so it won't be wasted, Okay?  *Winks*  I'll keep the Boring White everything that is in the Meditation Room because it's Neutral and that Re-Sells Well... Love the Lovely Warm Tuscan Palette of the rest of the Home so that's Ideal 'As Is'.

I also told the Family I've put an indefinite Kabosh on any Dreamscape Improvements to the Property like the Pool or the Pergolas in the Inner Courtyard and Back Yard.  I just can't see Investing loads of Cash in a place I would like to be out of in Six Years or less and have someone else Enjoying the Fruits of that Sacrifice and Labor.   Rather save it for the Forever Home becoming Living The Dream, I'm Careful with Investing my Cash for maximum Enjoyment and maximum Return.   Of coarse that News went over like a lead balloon, oh well, Deal with it... I'm Dealing with doing my Time here for the Good of the rest of them all, so... we're all making our Personal Sacrifices.  They are just Glad to have ME back and not Dark Dawn... who isn't the best version of Myself to be sure, she's beyond Macabre so I talk about HER in the 3rd Person.  *LOL*  Do you have a part of yourself you don't Like very much too?

Besides, the Young Prince was Shadowing me around like he was on Suicide Watch of an Inmate that might just Escape a different kind of way, I told him that wasn't necessary.   But he was still my Shadow until I could pull myself out of it, with suffering from Chronic Depression and unpleasant ideology daily himself, he's always worried when someone who isn't used to that State of Being gets very low.   He knows my usual State of Being is the Hopeless Optimist, someone who rolls out of Bed every day mostly Joyful and sees the entire World thru my ridiculously oversize Rose Colored Glasses.  I do thoroughly Enjoy my usual State of Being and would much prefer it be an everyday thing, since moving here it has not been and that is some scary shit for me.  Being an Empath I do Wonder sometimes if there is a Negative Energy in this Community that is infectious and particularly Toxic?  Oops, sorry, that's not a Good Selling point for the Future Listing, huh?  *LMAO*  So ignore it, no actual Proof of that Statement {hasty disclaimer... bwahahahahaha!!!}!!!

Besides, none of My Tribe would ever move out to the Luxurious Subdivision Hells anyway, so you're all probably Safe unless you wanna do some Time and then make a shitload of Money off your Investment when the Timing is Ideal to just flip it?   *Ha ha ha*  It sure did Impress the Adoption Caseworkers, I ain't gonna lie... they even paid for that fancy Attorney in Scottsdale once we were living the Life of perceived Affluence and Luxury out here.  Yep, quit dragging their feet finding Personal reasons Why it might be unsuitable to allow me to Adopt, given my 'unfortunate circumstances and substandard Home' the Force had grown up in since Birth... and fast tracked it once Villa Boheme' was now Home and could suitably Impress!  Even tho' our Case was a highly Difficult and Unusual one with The Man having Brain Damage and could not be Approved to Adopt them and reunification with Parents was impossible.  I mean, haven't you ever Wondered why Celebrities with Train Wreck Lives get to Adopt as many Kids as they want... perceived Affluent Lifestyle my Friends... that's Why!

The Rules can be bent for the perceived Affluent you see... I'm even a Single Woman on the Adoption Paperwork... which of coarse I'm NOT... but whatever, The Man and I were Okay with whatever the Courts found to be able to push it all thru and finalize it Legally!   We didn't even have to get Divorced to do it... but explaining it to folks Post-Adoption when I have to provide said paperwork is sure a hoot!  *Bwahahahahaha!!!*   The Man simply Smiles and says, "Well, she's now Mom, but I'm still just Grandpa so can't be a Legal Parent on there... it's complicated..."  *Winks*   I've had so many at School, Agencies that Deal with Post Adoption Special Needs Kiddos, Medical Needs Staff ask me what should they call me... Mom... Gramma???!?!   I tell them The Force still calls me Gramma coz it just gets creepy to us in the Family otherwise, but that they can call me whatever they want... whatever makes them most comfortable?  They still call their Mom and Dads their Mom and Dads... to us the Adoption was a necessary Legal Formality to abide by New Rules in The System of Kinship Placements, it didn't Change our Family Structure or dynamic one iota.

And now I'm Showing Off The Young Prince's New Haircut, which we got in Celebration of him being allowed to stay in the Alternative School after pleading his Case Skillfully and Successfully.   I think it shows off his Bone Structure really well and he looks so much more Handsome and like a Dude.  With the previous haircut anytime we went out together people in Stores or Restaurants would come up to us and Greet us with "Hello Ladies..." and that was awkward.  *LMAO*  We got a kick out of it and thought it hilarious, but it was awkward for the Customer Service peeps who thought I was out with a Girl Child instead of a Boy Child... when he'd tell them he wasn't a Female.  *Ha ha ha*  He doesn't mind the Androgynous Look but he had to admit we like this Edgy Rock Star Look much better and so do all his Friends.  He's got both sides shaved and the back, he's got so much Hair that Kid, so even with 3/4 of it gone it's still a lot of Hair to Style... I have total Hair Envy!  *Winks*   

He likes to Joke that if he had gone with Dreads he'd have the enormously heavy ones that would drown him if he tried to go for a Swim, so better not to since he doesn't wanna give up Swimming.  *Bwahahahahaha!!!*   Now that he's convinced I'm on the upswing he's much Happier, the Kid Hates to see me Morose and feeling Down since he knows that's just not Me and so I don't Deal with it very Well.    Our Company is arriving much later than they initially told us so we've had plenty of time to get the house in order to receive Guests and get my Head back on straight to be a decent Hostess instead of a Hot Mess Emotionally... Whew... dodged a bullet there!  *LOL*   We can all Clean Up Well in a pinch... Winks... and we have that Gallows Humor about the Dark Times. So now I'm getting loads of Teasing from The Young Prince about my Dark Dawn Episode, which was pretty Dramatic I ain't gonna lie... I was a total Drama Queen!!!  I could have won some kind of Depression Award I think... if they had such a thing?  And No, I'm not Mocking Depression, it's a very Serious Thing for those who Suffer endlessly from it as a Chronic Ailment and one should seek intervention when it gets too low.   Just ME Depressed is in hindsight, very Dramatic and Exaggerated... since I never do anything halfway!  *Winks*  But now the Old Me is back... and I'm so Thankful Dark Dawn didn't dominate for too long... she's a total Bitch!  *Smiles*


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Ken Wallis ~ Seasonal Concepts

In a word I was Captivated, by the Styling and Sensibilities of Ken Wallis of Seasonal Concepts in Redfern {Sydney} NSW Australia, when I first viewed the above Images Shared online!  It's a Florist Shop but ever so much MORE... it is Enchanting, Otherworldly and so very Imaginative... too bad Australia is so far away... I want to see and experience this all in person!   Seasonal Concepts was founded in 2009... and if you've ever Loved Sheds {I do} and Flowers {ditto} and Taxidermy {Uh huh} and are a purveyor or Collector of Vintage Treasures {Yes and Yes} this Shop has it all melded together and into an Ambiance that just fulfilled a Visual Fantasy of mine in the most Perfect way!  OMG, it was akin to falling down just the right Rabbit Hole into a Wonderland of layered Eye Candy that is simply astounding and just aligned ideally with my own personal quirky aesthetic!   I Hope you will Google more of this Delightful Shop... I know I will since discovering it Online, it's Fabulous!


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Saturday, January 13, 2018

I Lust...

I found the Property that would make me forget all about having to give up my Beloved Old Historic Homestead... on Acreage but in the Heart of the City.  A Historic Adobe Ranch badly in Need of TLC and a Rescuer, so some Developer doesn't raze it and build Condos or something equally despicable on such a huge Historic Lot.  In Arizona protection of the Historic Homesteads is abysmal, most of them are long gone and greedy Developers and Investors have thrown up a sea of Subdivision Hells in their place... it makes me want to throw up, but in a totally different way!  I have vile in my throat just thinking of the fate of this Magnificent Old Place.  Which had to belong to a Successful Rancher or Farmer at the turn of the Century, since it has a very large Aztec shaped Inspired Pool in front with colorful Talavera Tiling {not visible in any of the Listing Images... since they place Value on merely the Land}... a triple car Garage, plus Large Barn with huge Lodgepole support beams and an Adobe Cottage Bunkhouse for Ranch-Hands!!!

I was in Love... I was in Lust... as was The Young Prince... we had brought The Man along, he had no idea what we were going to check out.  Yes, I made the huge Mistake of going to look at it in person since Online they hadn't shown but one ugly pix of the interior of the Main House... or much about the other Structures either.  Clearly they are targeting the Investor/Developer Buyer, Gak, let me hack up my utter disgust with the Real Estate Industry as a whole when it comes to Historic Homesteads being Sold Off in Maricopa County, Arizona!   I say I made the huge Mistake because the Home was not in the bad shape I had expected by the lousy Listing promoting the Property, so I desperately WANTED it with a Lustful Eye... I could Envision us living there!  

Nope, they had just gushed about all that LAND... you know, that you could build up to Six Houses on and all that Greedy tear-everything-down and build what we don't really Need more of becoz that's the best way to maximize Profits.   Lord knows the Money to be made is always paramount, even if it's not the Right thing to do... just take a look at our Embarrassing Political Climate in this Country to know that most people will overlook anything and everything if the Price is Right and Money can be made by any means, even if despicable and ever so Wrong!   I think this Property had likely been in a Family for a very long time, I suspected illness or death has put it on the Market... there was a Fuck You Cancer sticker on the Refrigerator, it made me want to Weep for whoever had held out and held onto this property for so long that the City had grown up around it!   It's the last of it's kind in that area, the Urban build up around it is of a more desirable nature, so I don't hold out much Hope that someone like us would hold a similar Appreciation for it's potential as a Project for a Restored Historic Property and not just tear it down.

The Young Prince had already Claimed the Cottage Bunkhouse, which was one large room with Kitchenette, an attached Bathroom and Laundry Room, but had a large covered Front Porch.    There was also an Ancient Tamarack Tree in the back of the Acreage, reminiscent of my Magnificent 350 year old Tamarack at the Historic Homestead that the City cut down because they claimed it had grown too large for a Residential Area and thus exercised Eminent Domain for, you know, the Good Of All.   Gak, don't even get me started about Eminent Domain and how it totally screws long time Residents of their Property Rights for Newcomers to be shown favor and preferences... and Conveniences at the expense of the Old Timers of any Area who were there FIRST!   But, whatever, this large completely walled in Compound is like an Oasis in the City, of Rural Bliss but with all the Conveniences of not living way out in BFE.  I particularly liked that about it, secluded, Private, but with an Older established Neighborhood that had grown up around it perhaps in the 1970's or so and great Shopping and Restaurants nearby. 

There were at least two Fireplaces visible thru the Windows we could see inside of, one in the Living Room, one in the Master Bedroom Suite, which is this Window near the back of the Main House.  There was also that large Cement Pad you could build a very large Addition upon, we Imagined a Conservatory or Greenhouse Structure.   There was enough vacant land around the Main House and Barn areas to build a Family Compound if you wished, since up to six Homes could be built on the site per what Zoning was already in place.   We Imagined a lot of things during this brief visit, The Grandson and I... The Man of coarse was oblivious, as he usually is due to his TBI... I don't even think he knew Why we were there?!?  That we were more than Dreaming and Dead Serious about Wishing we could dump fancy Villa Boheme' in Subdivision Hell in favor of buying this Property.  He likes it here and I don't think he fathoms the depth of the Misery that the Young Prince and I feel living out here in this piss poor excuse of a Community and near NOTHING... so that you're Existing and not Living a day that you're stuck out here.  Sure, Luxury Homes are impressive and perhaps for some it would be such a coveted Status Symbol that it would be their Dream Home.  I find it all rather Nightmarish and pretentious to tell you the Truth... Love the Home, Hate everything else... can't wait to cash out on it one day... hopefully sooner than later.

It put me in a Deep Funk actually just Wishing I could be buying this place and escaping where I do not Like living at all.   I'm putting in my Time... until I can get Princess T raised and out of School, which she Loves her School and is doing well for now and has her Friends at School, if not in the immediate area, so at 12 she's Content enough with that.  She spends all day Texting her School Friends that don't live close by at all... I'd rather she live somewhere she had Friends who could spend actual time with her like in the Old Neighborhood, where Neighbors were... ahem... Neighborly and Community Oriented!   No, here I wait for the next petty complaint filed by some uptight, uppity, pretentious type of Neighbor against anyone and everyone... or the anal HOA to dictate some other ridiculous standard of Yard Care at the whim of whoever they elected to serve on their Board.  HOA's, there's another topic of conversation you don't want to get me into... *Bwahahahaha!*   Especially since 2018 has started out so Miserably that I only Pray the rest of the year can only get better?

And in the meantime I'll Escape on the Canvas of my Imagination to places such as this, which is more my Style and Lifestyle than Luxury Subdivision Hell in the tediously Boring Burbs... which is no more than a Devil in disguise... Pretty and Alluring Devils are always the worst ones you know!   And make as many temporary Escapes into the City as is possible, where I Feel much more Alive and a whole lot less Depressed and Angry.   And I'll be Hosting some In-laws from out of State by Tomorrow and want to be able to be a Gracious Hostess to receive them and not be in a Deep Funk.  So The Young Prince and I had to make a trip to the Desert Botanical Gardens to get our Heads on straight to be decent Hosts... since just visiting somewhere that could be a Forever Home and we WANT to be had put us both in a very Dark Space... me especially... since I know I can't have it... but the longing for it is all consuming sometimes.   No, I can't go back in Time unfortunately and reclaim Old Bohemian Valhalla now that buying this place served being a means to an end to Adopt my Grandkids.  But I sure Wish I could now move forward and out of here, because stuck in what you view as a Rut is rather no different than a Grave really... in a very Pretty and Exclusive Cemetery.


Dawn... The Bohemian

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Alternative To The Alternative Update

I thought back upon my own Graduation, how much involvement did my Parents actually need to have to ensure I accomplished it?  Unless my Memory isn't serving me well, I'd have to say None.  My European Mom, who was very well Educated, quit helping me with such things as Homework in Grade School, due to the differences in European spelling and such actually hindering me more than helping me in an American School System.   Dad didn't get the opportunities for a decent education even tho' he was a brilliant and creative Mind with many Natural Talents.  So he and Mom entrusted my Education Process to my Teachers and Thankfully I had many Awesome ones who helped me achieve Success.  My Parents were however hugely Supportive and I Believe that is always crucial, to have your People in your corner, knowing they have your back and Believe in you.

Of coarse I was very nervous about our Meeting at The Young Prince's School, but the strategy he and I had come up with the Night before was to allow him to Advocate for himself.  I knew he wanted badly to be given another chance to show them he was capable of the Production expected and not get kicked out of yet another School.  That in spite of his numerous absences for the Mental Health and Physical Health days, that take away a lot of time in School, that he is smart enough to catch up for lost time and for when he's Shut Down emotionally with Clinical Depression.   He presented his Case solo to the Principal before our Meeting and like a True Defense Attorney for an important Client he fiercely Advocated his Case!  I was so Proud of him that he was able to convince her to continue Believing in him and allow him to stay.  *Whew... huge sigh of relief since we had nowhere else to go!*

I knew he'd fight for what he really wants and to prove himself, he actually still Likes School and Learning in spite of never having a lot of Positives in or from The Educational System as it stands.  I was also aware of their dilemma, since his percentiles for achievement in each class were dismally low, yet his Test Scores always Rock.  That's how it's always been for him... no surprises there... yet they have to assess his Progress accordingly and have to answer for any Child failing to Succeed.   Was this the right placement for him to achieve Success was their dilemma, when he's fallen so far behind in his Progress to where he's failing? 

 So we set up a Plan to take it one day at a time and set Weekly Modest Goals that won't overwhelm him emotionally or create the excessive anxiety he often suffers from.  He felt he could handle that and push himself to Show Out and prove to upper management that his Principal had made the right choice in Supporting the argument to allow him to remain.   I know she really likes him and it's genuine, I know she and her Staff fully Believe he's a brilliant Child, but convincing her Superiors, based on his performance, is not easy, they don't know him.

He's a Warrior when it comes to Promoting himself tho' and Debating, he showed her the Website he had Created the Night before in three hours to ease his anxiety about the possibility of getting kicked out of School.  She was clearly extremely Impressed and that he turned to something highly Academic they could discuss together.  The whole conversation then turned to being way over my head!  *LMAO*   He's madly Creative and a complete Nerd in fact when he's the most anxious and upset.  It soothes him to dive into what he's Passionate about and shut the rest of the World out.  

She had Graciously let us have the actual Meeting early when I came to pick him up, instead of waiting until 1:00 p.m., since he'd already met with her Privately that Morning to Advocate for himself.  That was huge for my schedule since it meant I didn't have to languish for over two hours in Beautiful Downtown Peoria's part of the Hood that I'd just rather... NOT!  *LOL*  I could tell that he had impressed her and she really wanted him to be able to stay... we candidly discussed his Challenges and what we could do in Support of him achieving a more solid measure of visible Success, within reason.   We all know he's quite capable, I think we all also know he has significant barriers to achieving his full potential due to chronic illness and it's symptoms that cannot be controlled nor cured.  It's like a delicate tightrope balancing act on the high wire.  But Thankfully we didn't fall off Today!  *Whew!*

After the Meeting going so much better than we ever could have expected it was time to Celebrate by taking him to the Salon and getting a new hairstyle and color.   I haven't been liking the Style he had most recently... and he was wanting to try something bolder and edgy.  It turned out really good and suits him very well, he had the sides and back shaved completely and left a long Mohawk that is multicolored Highlights from Golden Blonde and Deep Burgundy to an edgy deep Pinkish-Red called Pulp Riot or something.   If he wears it combed to each side, it's different Highlights and Colors for the Left or Right being exposed, he can also wear it down {he's got very thick hair so even with just Mohawk Center it's still a lot of hair} or pulled back into a Ponytail or Center Braid.  I like that it brings out his good bone structure and makes him look so Handsome.  He took pixs but hasn't Shared them with me yet in time for this Post.

New hairstyle, fresh start... I thought it would encourage him to have both going in to School Tomorrow with the New Plan in place to achieve more.  I feel a lot more Confident now that he's realized he has to step up his Game and be accountable in a way that will be beneficial as he quickly nears Adulthood.   His 18th Birthday is in August, he'll officially be a Grown Man then, and have to be in charge of figuring out his own Alternatives to the Alternative soon as I step back and allow him to fly on his own.   That's the hard part of Parenting isn't it, allowing them to leave the Nest and strike their own Paths in Life in this Crazy World we live in.   We want what is Best for them all and to achieve the highest level of Success they are able.   While also knowing that Life itself is the harshest and often most unforgiving Teacher of all.


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Alternative To The Alternative

The above photo is gleaned from the Archives of my Old High School during my High School Era... it's the Smoking Area... yeah, wrap your Mind around THAT... the School actually had a Smoking Area for the Students that Smoked back in da day in an American Military High School in Europe!  *Bwahahahahaha!!!*   But hey, it was an Era where we also carried Ration Cards for such things as Cigarrettes and Booze, when you turned a certain age to qualify, which was by your Teens.  At the time both of my Parents Smoked so they used mine to get more rationed Ciggies... I've never Smoked so I had no Need of them... so whatever...   *LOL*  Mom eventually gave the nasty habit up, I was Proud of her... Dad went out of this Life puffing on Ciggies while being ON his Oxygen, which is the stuff of Classic Parody, we were just glad he didn't blow himself up!  *Smiles*

I premise this Post with that little Blast from the Past Story to drive Home the Fact that I come from a different Era and Time when it comes to Education and Accommodating the Student, whatever condition they showed up to School.  Certainly in my Era, which was the swinging Sixties and early Seventies, there were mos def some Hot Mess Students, it's not a new phenomenon.  But you'd almost think it is, judging by what I went thru with my own two Special Needs Children, now grown, and then still go thru after inheriting a couple more Special Needs Grandchildren to raise and try to get Educated and thru School!  The Note above is an actual Note the Detention Teacher once gave me that The Son wrote in Grade School as a Punishment.   It's hilarious and SO AUTHENTICALLY HIM and it always makes me Smile so I kept it!

The Son was a Hard Case in Grade School, and off and on even beyond... with the Bipolar, ADHD and Mildly Moderate Autism diagnosis they didn't quite know what to do with him either at the time... we muddled thru Grade School.  He actually introduced his Detention Teacher to us at Parent/Teacher Conferences in the Third Grade, he thought it was one of his Regular Classes since he went there every day... it was a first for her, being introduced to the Parents as a Regular Teacher and a Class he ENJOYED!  *LOL*  Things slowly got better as he Matured and Managed his condition better.  He was a Tenacious Kid that Mainstreamed in School and persevered into a Tenacious Adult despite significant Disabilities.  He stayed out of Prison and away from Gangs even tho' he grew up in The Hood in a rough part of Town where a lot of Kids ended up with a criminal record eventually... or dead.  He got bullied a lot as a Young Child, not so much as a Man who could kick ass and take names well, he's Fierce and a Force to be reckoned with.  *Smiles*  He's still Friends with Brody by the way... and Brody enjoyed looking at this Note again Online when we Shared it for a Laugh.  The Son always had more the F-You attitude about being told he'd be a Failure at Life due to a Lifetime Disability with no known Cure and coming from The Hood.  I like that about my Son, sometimes you do Need that F-You Moment in the fuckery that can be Life and a hand dealt.  I borrowed this Image and I Hope he won't Hate me for it... he was in Defiant Mode, Clearly... and probably not stable at the time, he's much Nicer than that.  *LMAO*

 The Son got kicked out of every Day Care in the West Valley, but managed not to get kicked out of School... he has often tried to Mentor his Nephew, knowing the ropes of what it is like to grow up with Serious Mental Illness as a Child and then into Full Blown Manhood.  He lets him know you can beat the Odds and be a Success in your chosen Career Field and not let the Social Stigmas or naysayers defeat or define you either.  The Young Prince is a particularly Hard Case, even more Challenging than his Mother and Uncle proved to be, which is saying A LOT, volumes in fact!  Because Academically they performed with excellence even tho' Mental Illness caused them both to be Behaviorally Challenged for their Educators, so it was always a Wild Ride.  I got used to great Grade point averages and impressive Report Cards, but the Comments section would be full due to questionable Behavioral outbursts as can be the case with Serious Mental Illness, regardless of whatever location the individual is in when The Crazy strikes.   The Prodigal Daughter ended up being a Dropout since Schools just couldn't handle her condition or the intense psychotic outbursts... The Son Graduated with Honors, which given his Challenges, was nothing short of Miraculous when I look back upon it!  I was once told I should Institutionalize him permanently, I didn't accept that Medical Suggestion by Professionals, I refused to share their vision for his Future being so grim and Hopeless.  It shows that both extremes of outcome ARE possible for the Student diagnosed with Serious Mental Illness, of which there is no Cure and Management of it, to this day, is 'iffy' at best.  It's like playing the odds in Vegas actually... you gotta be a Gambler to even get thru it Optimistically.... or a Hopeless Optimist... mebbe both.  Sometimes you Win, a lot of the time you Lose... and certainly the Odds are stacked against you, but you just keep Playing the Game to the best of your Abilities and tenaciously.

So, when I got The Call, just one day in to him returning to his Alternative High School after Winter Break, since Yesterday Day No. Two, he was Home Sick again with a Mental Health Day and rendered non-functional, I had a rather flat affect about it, at least over the phone my reaction was dulled.  The Principal made it rather clear they were Throwing in the Towel... hoisting up the White Flag... deciding that perhaps this wasn't the Right Placement for him... either... AGAIN... and let us have a Meeting about it Tomorrow Afternoon!!!   You know, the Meeting where once again we'll be discussing an Alternative to the Alternative!!!  *Le Sigh*  If I told you how many times I've had a similar Meeting at various Schools that felt it wasn't the Right Placement for him, you'd be flabbergasted, so I won't give statistics, let us just say I'm a Seasoned Veteran at it... and so is he!!!   The above Image is The Young Prince at 8th Grade Graduation from Jr. High School with his Dad at the Ceremony... so at least we got one Graduation under our belt... Miraculously!  That's my Inspiration and Encouragement actually, 8th Grade was not exactly a Stellar Year for him either... in fact I can't remember when School was for him and it just got harder as he got Older unfortunately and his Mental Illness worsened and intensified.  Certain Disabilities and Illnesses can be relentless and brutal like that, especially the Incurable ones.  I liked his hair like that... he's had some Extreme Hairstyles to go along with Extreme Moods... but hairstyles are temporary and you can fix and find Solutions for a bad one.

The Principal told me she hadn't pulled in The Young Prince to discuss it with him yet, she'd leave that up to me, Splendid!   Wise Woman, you really don't want him Flipping Out where you have to try to handle it without me, since you don't really HAVE to, he's not your Kid.   I don't blame her, I really don't want to have to break the Bad News and try to handle it {the reaction} either, but I've got loads of experience in handling when they go on The Crazy Train.  Plus, Legally now he IS my Kid, Post-Adoption, so apparently The System now Trusted me to handle it as a legit Parent... without a Posse of Caseworkers, now that I'm no longer labeled just a 'Volunteer' Kinship Placement.   Us 'Volunteer' Kinship Placement sorts are just handy, so it's like I now got a Promotion of sorts in raising The Force in the Eyes of The System and The Law.  And Good Luck with that Lady and we Hope it all Works Out!!??!?!?!?!  I'm so Honored... *Bwahahahahahaha!!!*

As if they Believe it actually will... you know, WORK OUT... and we all just Live Happily ever after like a Fairy Tale, because apparently that piece of Paper from the Adoption Courts is Magical and all.  Poof, Judge waves Magic Wand and sprinkles Fairie Dust over Family... and everyone was Magically Transformed!!!   *LMAO*   Well, it WAS a Special Moment for us all that took Fifteen long years to culminate, I ain't gonna lie, but Magical... not Quite.   Nobody was Transformed by said piece of Paper... well, stack of Papers... we left in the same Condition we all were in Pre-Adoption, sans a Posse of Caseworkers.  You're on your own now Baby, Good Luck with that and we Hope it all Works Out... only it's NOT... Working Out. 

 Nope, that would be an understatement... and since now he can't even take the Psyche Meds anymore, that devastated his Physical Health tremendously and was shutting vital Organs down, which we're STILL running damage control on, it's an even hairier Wild Ride.   But we bought the Ticket, so we're on for the whole Ride, so hang on and White Knuckle it around the Turn, while we have yet another Meeting to discuss the Alternative to the Alternative Tomorrow Afternoon at precisely 1:00 p.m. {cue in Twilight Zone Music or Chopin's Death March Music... whatever...}.   Yeah, I'm SO looking forward to said Meeting... said NOBODY EVER!!!   *Smiles*

 But we're always up for Battle in this Familia, since it is usually constant and a 'Given' in the Caregiver Game... insert pix of the Adorable DIL holding The Son's Gun which is damn near as big as she is and always makes me Smile.   I'm keeping with Dark Humor Gallow's Style Levity in this Dark Topic Post as much as possible!!!   She's a Fierce 'lil Ninja too and keeps The Son in line and is willing to take one for the Team... Thanks Solina, Mwah, Love You bunches!  *Smiling*  And Yeah, the Young Prince Flipped Out in the back seat of the vehicle when I broke the News, but it wasn't an Epic Meltdown, tho' he was heading in that direction for sure.  But only since by now MY affect was Pre-Apocalyptic, which might have tempered or trumped his affect I Suppose, so he managed to get a grip and not GO THERE with Gramma?!?!!!  The only thing worse than his meltdowns is my own... they're EPIC and LEGENDARY once I'm pushed over the edge my Friends!   No Brag, just Fact, it's not something I'm particularly Proud of when I can no longer keep it together and hold it down in Caregiver Mode and behave Robotically like The System expects you to.  You know, like a Human Caregiver Machine, that's becoming very Old, Overused and Worn Out now, so tends to break down every so often as Old Machines with too much mileage just do.

 I brought Grandpa along for morale support, rather under false pretenses of taking him out for Brunch at Cracker Barrel first... and Oh, by the way, lets swing by the School and pick him up, becoz shit, it's Time... and I have to break that News... and besides, I don't have Time now to drop you back off in the Boonies first so that you'll Miss the Show!  He didn't have time to react, so he was just involuntarily along for the Ride now.  *LOL*   And since we'd be taking that Show on the Road, which I sure as Hell wasn't doing on an empty stomach, I can only take so much physical torture all at once, a last Meal sounded Good... as Good as it probably does to someone on Death Row ready to be Offed!  *Winks*   Not that The Man did or said anything, he was without Words anymore... but his expression spoke a Thousand Words.  No, it was more for Stability of ME so I didn't do a Thelma and Louise on that ride Home.  Too Bad the Grand Canyon isn't Locally more Convenient... with Brad Pitt on a Stick in the back seat... but that's my Fantasy, I digress.   And NO, that's not a pix of The Man, it's one of my Brother I happen to Like and makes me Smile so I'm borrowing it for Levity purposes!  *LOL*

Besides, The Man would have never let me Photograph him on that tense and fateful ride Home after dropping the bombshell on The Young Prince that he could get kicked out of yet another School for what they deem as Inappropriate Placement for "a Kid like him".  *Rolling Eyes*  The Man really doesn't Cope well now with Brain Damage impairing his ability to process any Drama or enlist in finding Solutions... but him just BEING THERE is sometimes enough perceived Support for me, what can I say?  We were all probably Wishing we were on the New Year's Eve Pot Bus in Colorado to take the Edge off by then... or mebbe that was just me Wishing that?!?  *LMAO*  I'm not a Stoner but some Good Kush right then couldn't have hurt.  *Bwahahahaha!*   By the time we got Home The Young Prince was in Shark Eye Mode and stoic, pretty much Shut Down and very Angry.  He immediately went to Bed and will likely stay there... which he did all day Yesterday anyway, he Sleeps when he's having the Major Chronic Depression and extreme Anxiety, especially when News gets All Bad and he can't do anything much about it but get Angry.  It sounded like a Good Idea to me too, so I got back in my Jammies and took a five hour Nap myself, it had been an exhausting Morning, I Needed it.   I only woke up to drive to her School in my Pajamas and pick her up after Tutoring... which BTW she got pissy about going to anymore even tho' it's Helping her Grades and with the Learning Disability Thing, which leaves her miles behind her Peers in comprehending whatever she's Learning. 

  Can I just go every other Wednesday she implored, so people won't think I'm totally Stupid?   What, you only want to be thought of as half Stupid I responded IN MY HEAD.  No, folks , I resisted actually saying it, tho' it be Tempting since I use inappropriate Gallows Humor for levity when I actually would rather Cry as my Heart is being ripped from my Chest!   You're NOT Stupid I actually said, in fact, you're very Smart, you just Learn differently so you NEED Tutoring so you can get those Good Grades Mija and not have the Drama your Big Brother has in School, you want that, right, to go to Regular Schools?  {She does, it's her greatest Fear to have the 10 Miles of Bad Road Academically he's had!}  She stomped into the house Angrily, Horns clearly sprouting out of her Head now as she turned on a dime Mood-wise and I became part of the Problem rather than part of the Solution... clearly someone had Teased her about being Special Ed again.  Clearly when you're a Tween being Accepted is way more important than pulling down those Good Grades all the Adults are so concerned about... she'd rather Fail and be Popular and NOT Different than anyone else, I Get It.  She Calmed down after Grandpa soothed her Mood with comedic banter and the Horns retracted back into her Head. *Winks*

The Young Prince later came down without the Shark Eyes, he was more lucid again, and showed me an Awesome Website he Designed in three hours!!!  It's REALLY Good, Professional Grade Website he's set up for a Gaming Club he's establishing online.  It was EASY for him, he did it with no formal training, he can figure out the most complex things on his own, his Brain is just one of those Beautiful Mind types that teeters between the precarious extremes of Genius and Insanity.   I know the focus, the raw Talent and the much higher than average Intelligence is there... that's what breaks my Heart all the more when he Fails time and time again and is rejected or Given Up on by Educators.  How do we tap into that in School so he can Succeed at School and get that Diploma? So that he CAN go on to bigger and greater things and be taken Seriously in the Work Force... and have him Accepted for his Higher Educational Goals and not rejected by EVERY School?   The Solution to that Problem eludes us for now... but we'll continue to Fight the Good Fight in Faith... starting Tomorrow at that dreaded Meeting.  But for now, The Young Prince is cooking Dinner for us... he's got considerable Talent and Passion for the Culinary Arts too.  So we quickly regroup and Move On... you have to roll with the punches Life hits you upside the Head with and go the distance in numerous Rounds if you want that Victory bad enough... and never on an empty stomach!  *Winks*  Now excuse me while I go clean up that Kitchen... ha ha ha.

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl