Saturday, March 25, 2017

Blissfully Doing Nothing...














I haven't been out much while the Kiddos have been on Spring Break, the Young Prince has been anxious about changing Schools yet again so he's wanted to stay Home and seclude himself.   So I'll regale you with some Imagery I took earlier in the Month while at my Friend Shelly's Shop RUST AND ROSES in Phoenix.  I too am physically and emotionally adjusting to being back on insulin shots and added diabetic meds, so I haven't felt much like going out either even tho' our weather is Glorious lately!   Just holing up at Home has been what the entire Family seems to want to do lately, while School is out and we can sleep in and take long leisurely naps and just gel.   Sometimes having the rare Luxury of doing nothing and going nowhere is rather Blissful here at Villa Boheme'.

*******

Blissfully yours from Villa Boheme', while doing nothing and choosing to go nowhere... Dawn... The Bohemian

Friday, March 24, 2017

The Things You Get Despondent About...



There's plenty of big things to get despondent about nowadays but I try not to fixate upon any of those too much since they can be completely Overwhelming in nature and probably aren't anything I can Change.  Instead I find myself getting despondent about little things that I can Change, but haven't.  There are a myriad of reasons and excuses why I haven't, which aren't as relevant as the fact I just... haven't.  When I get too despondent over trifles that I'm not Changing and finding Solutions for, I usually want, and even need, a brief Escape.  So Yesterday we took a drive to the Lake to see Wildflowers in bloom.  Just to be out in Glorious Nature and the lovely Cooler blustery day it was.  To have Spirits buoyed by Nature blooming where ever it's planted, however harsh an environment.




The Young Prince stayed behind, since any Outing with his Little Sister is not going to play out well, bringing one or the other, but not both, is Key to a Pleasant Escape.  We were Escaping to Lake Pleasant, which was rather ironic, No?  *LOL*  The Wildflowers didn't disappoint, they are in profusion this Season due to the heavy rains we've received.   Javelina were trotting back and forth across the dirt roads behind the Lake.   Loons were all over the Lake, which was very full due to all of the runoff into it this Season.   It was nice to see abundance of water rather than drought for a change.  You appreciate water more in a Desert environment and don't take it as much for granted as places where it might be plentiful.   Sometimes in America we have such plenty that we can become complacent and take too much for granted, in my humble opinion.




We can become a little Piggish about what we want and what we think we need.  I'm acutely Aware of that when I get despondent, about trifles especially.  Gluttony, about anything, is just so very indulgent isn't it?   I had gotten despondent you see, about such things as running out of space to Blog freely without reaching maximum capacity.   Because I'd become rather Piggish about the over-sharing of Imagery and Pathological Picture Taking and I didn't want to Stop.  I didn't want to restrict myself, it was uncomfortable and too restrictive to what I'd become accustomed to.   We can become accustomed to Too Much can't we, when we aren't faced with limits and boundaries.  We can run rather rampant in fact with our indulgences... especially self-indulgences.  




 But I NEED to Blog, it's my Cheaper Than Therapy little Happy Place to be here in The Land Of Blog.   To Write, to indulge in Photography, to Share whatever, as a form of personal expression. So mebbe I should quit dumping data and just buy some more space?  That's the Solution... the one Change I haven't acted upon to Solve the little thing Problem I'm despondent about right now, well, one of them anyway.  But should I, shouldn't I just purge some of the excess Archived Posts instead, since nobody reads them anyway and most aren't relevant to Today?  




 Purging and Editing, not my strong points as you well know if you've been reading my Blog any length of time.  It's something I'm working on diligently tho', deciding what is necessary, what is still relevant, what should just Go and be Released and Cut Loose?   What and Who and a whole bunch of Letting Go has been my Goal for at least a couple of years now... and it's working out quite well... at my own pace... which is slower than Death... but it is at least a pace forward and not a stall anymore.   It's not as if I'm going to stop Writing or Pathological Picture Taking, since I Love both enough to continue, they bring me Pleasure and release a lot of Pain.  




And so, when the prompt pops up again saying I've run out of Space here, I'll have to consider either budgeting for more space or purging some more Archived Posts I guess.  A temporary fix to what will likely be an ongoing problem trifle to Deal with... and try not to get despondent about.  Since restraint doesn't happen to be one of my particular strengths or Virtues and lack of it is one of my Vices.  *Winks*   And because I suspect that it's displaced despondency anyway... since I don't want to focus upon nor fixate about the big things I could be despondent about and avoid doing so.   So that I don't have to feel so much dread and being overwhelmed by it all and the magnitude of it.  The overall feeling of despondency is there tho', so I have to assign it to something I suppose to justify it's existence and why I am just having a difficult time shaking it completely.




Because right now, after this Crazy Election particularly, and even IF you weren't Dealing with a whole lot of other stuff, Life is rather Surreal and 'Alice In Wonderland' in a fractured kind of Hot Mess nonsensical way isn't it?

"White Rabbit"
One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small

When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said
Feed your head
Feed your head


*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Big Yellow Taxi



Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
'Till it's gone
They paved Paradise
And put up a parking lot...




The lyrics to the Joni Mitchell classic hit Big Yellow Taxi rang thru my Head as I beheld this Fabulous breathtaking field of Native Wildflowers in bloom.  Soon to be annihilated by the bulldozers and other heavy machinery and equipment, just to the left of this Image... very soon, perhaps even Today?  It's been Sold Off to greedy Developers, who could have developed any number of vacant and already Man ravaged lots anywhere around the Metro Phoenix area.  But No, the pristine Natural Desert with it's Magnificent views is more profitable to buy up and destroy!




The eventual Cost is more important than the current price paid for the lands.  Nature unspoiled is Priceless and some of it at least should be Preserved for Future Generations to Enjoy and behold.  We won't even go deeply into the Native Wildlife and Plants displaced or killed off in the carnage.  Especially during Springtime where rebirth of Native Plants and Native Animals is at it's peak, so a whole Generation of each could be lost being displaced at the worst possible Season!!!  Because the harsh environment of a Desert Ecosystem is so fragile, it never quite recovers from Man's imprint upon it, especially a careless, thoughtless or rough one.  When it's gone, it's Forever gone... don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone?




They're paving Paradise as we speak and putting up a Parking Lot, Homes, Businesses, Roads and the like... as if we don't already have more than enough of those... and precious little left of this!   Sometimes I can't even stomach driving by and Witnessing the destruction... other times I simply must Document the very last time it will Exist as it was Designed by The Creator to Be.   When will they just Stop encroaching upon Mother Nature... I can't say... the lines are always subject to change without notice.  State Trust Lands being Sold Off to Fund this, that and the third.   I had thought that area currently under development was Protected Lands already... I was Wrong... Sold Off to the highest bidder.  It breaks my Heart to see it disappearing so quickly and so often.




  As Man's Greed expands ever outwards and blankets the landscape in a sea of various Subdivision Hells, Commercial and Industrial Creations replacing the unmatched Natural Beauty of The Creator given to all... to line the pockets of some.   And probably why Nature now heads into the City to simply try to Adapt and Survive our onslaught into their Territories and Natural Habitats?   With many of my Neighbors continuously complaining and lamenting that they're present and evident... like they had anywhere else to go now, poor things?!   Modern Man, not wanting really to co-exist with Nature and Share our Planet Graciously with them... the Indigenous of any area, be it Native Man, Native Plant or Native Beast... an age old Story that makes me Sad.  And the lyrics of Big Yellow Taxi loop thru my Head...




*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Exaggerated Head Space

via: Pinterest

Once too many Negative things happen and I get Overwhelmed I enter into what I like to call The Exaggerated Head Space.   It's a very dramatic state of Being where everything is magnified and exaggerated, but not in a good way!   I can find myself wallowing in the extreme thinking that predominates once you've entered that Space in your Head, where exaggeration reigns and clouds actual judgment and skews perspective.

I try to never make any decisions when I'm in The Exaggerated Head Space, it would be unwise.  And yet Life goes on, sometimes at a frantic and hectic pace, so I have to figure out the best way to get back into balance.   Usually this means I'll have to shut down and sleep it off to reboot.  Monday was mos def a day when I entered The Exaggerated Head Space.  

You don't don't just enter... you get pushed in, usually thru extreme circumstances.   On those exceedingly crappy days, where one too many Negative things happen in rapid succession, and the feeling of being overwhelmed by it all sets in like a ton of bricks.  It's not as if you want to or even choose to have The Exaggerated Head Space to deal with too, because I'd rather never BE there actually.  It adds another heavy layer of complexity to an already overly complex and Negative day.

Since it is a Dark Space to occupy, it too is just another Negative in the long string of them already playing out.  But Monday I entered the realm of The Exaggerated Head Space, by mid-afternoon it was a full blown episode and so I was sleeping it off by 6:00 pm and didn't wake up until it was a brand new day!  Emotional and Mental Exhaustion from the crappiest of days ever is even more draining to me than Physical Exhaustion... and I had all three, so I was a Hot Mess by Five in the Afternoon!

And I suspected it was gonna be one of those days, just by looking at the itinerary on the Calendar.  Then throw in an unexpected twist with a call that has you now changing gears rapidly, be trapped in a vehicle with a Psychotic Teenager who is uncooperative and belligerent about what he has to do that day ... and there ya go!   First on the Agenda was my Doc Appt. for the out of control Diabetic thing, so I knew that wasn't going well.

It actually went worst than I expected... with far more bad news which just made me feel quite doomed and basically screwed.  I'd Fasted in case they needed to run MORE Tests, so I missed Breakfast and later had to settle for a crappy Lunch while waiting endlessly for the new Shot Rx at the Base Clinic to be filled.  Yes, I'll be on shots again... ugh... and another pill in the long list of pills adding up... double ugh... I Hate Western Medicine!  I was now one of those Old People with the big bag of meds walking out of the Clinic that I never wanted to be of The Tribe of... Le Sigh!

They assigned me a Life Coach, very nice Lady about my Age, I could tell she commiserated with my predicament.   That being, as a Caregiver of three high maintenance people, if your Doc says the only way your absorption of the insulin correctly is gonna happen is if you have less Stress, more Rest, carefully planned Diet {apart from what the rest eat} and DO less... well, she's basically telling me I'm Screwed.  Knowing what to do when you have no way of actually doing it just makes one feel doomed!

It didn't help that gastric bypass was suggested and they want me to consider it since they will pay for it being I'm a special needs candidate to keep vertical!  Yikes, I know I'm overweight, 229 and creeping upwards no matter what I do dietary wise to stem the ascent.  But I also know the long process and recovery time involved in such a surgery and the Negative side effects... and did I mention I'm the sole Caregiver of three high maintenance people? 


 So, um, whose filling in while I take a long time to recover and physically adjust from such a Major Surgery pray tell?  I'm the only driver and we live out in BFE now without a network or staff for coverage if I am 'down' any length of time!  Whose taking Care of me while I convalesce?  Not this crew... Hell, when I got Home after this intense day I'll finish regaling you with, I fell into Bed at 6:00 pm utterly spent and with a bad case of The Exaggerated Head Space! 


 The Man says, "You need to eat Honey...", so he'd make me a Dinner and wake me up so I'd have one decent meal of the day.   I dozed off and he got distracted immediately by an episode of American Ninja Warriors and completely forgot about me and making Dinner, as TBI people often do... and when I woke up it was a brand new day!   And the only good part of that was I wasn't in The Exaggerated Head Space anymore.

So... back to the most Negative Day that put me there tho'!   As I'm sitting in my Doc Appt. I get The Call... the unexpected one... from that Charter School for The Young Prince that we never thought would actually call us back with an Opening!!!   They have an Opening... switch gears now since that very Afternoon the Young Prince and I have an Appt. at Mental Health with his Educational Family Support Advocate who was gonna help us battle The High School!   Ooops, New Battle Plan now has to be formulated on the fly, since there ultimately will be a Battle eventually, you can count on it!

 After my dismal and grim diagnosis at the Clinic, driving home solemnly with a big ole bag of medical supplies and meds, wrapping my Mind around all of those changes for my own Plan to stay vertical...  I'm wondering now how to break the News to Prince D?  He's been in Psychotic Mode for days now, big ole Shark Eyes and the whole schtick!   He's uncooperative, belligerent and debating everything under the Sun as if he's some defense Attorney for the Mob!  He already doesn't want to go to said Appt. at Mental Health... throwing another big Change at him right now was not going to go Well!

But I knew we had to make the Change, the accommodations temporarily made at the High School is two hours of Warehousing him basically while they awaited a Transfer and Withdrawal.   Though his I-School Class might have had some Positive effect, the Life Skills Class involved nothing by his account, but it's required by Law to tack on... so he sits there doing nothing so that Legally all is accounted for... Splendid. 

But we are on Spring Break, so his High School isn't Open 'til a week from this crappy day, so I can only get part of the required documentation to the Charter School on short notice.   I didn't bring him on that errand, I didn't have it in me nor did I want them to change their Mind if Shark Eye Boy showed up in Top Psychotic Form and put the kabosh instantly on the whole thing?!  *LOL*  We'll let them ease into getting to know him, the unmedicated SMI him... and see how long that lasts shall we?

So... back to his Family Advocate Appt., which went better than I expected as far as Clark giving us good feedback of an on the fly Game Plan switch due to Charter School now being in the mix!   That said, rewind a bit to us in the waiting room before our Appt., where The Young Prince is pacing like a caged Tiger and glaring at me with Shark Eyes saying that if they're one minute late in calling us in, he's leaving!  *Oy Vey!*   Luckily they have Staff observing Waiting Room and what might Pop Off in there so they were acutely aware he wasn't having a Good Day and containment might be an Issue?!  *Winks*

So I'm edgy knowing he could Pop Off at any time once the last ounce of logic and reason left his Mind completely.  So to distract myself from the slide I'm already feeling into The Exaggerated Head Space, I begin eavesdropping upon a nearby conversation between an Old Male Veteran and a Custodial Grandma who looked on the verge of Medical collapse herself.   This poor Woman was a Hot Mess physically and clearly Emotionally she was at wits end with her Kinship Placement Grandchild, a Female SMI Teen.

I just got out... of serving Ten days in Jail she's venting to the Old Vet, and levied with a Thousand Dollar Fine!   This poor Woman didn't look like she could survive a day in Jail or was any kind of Criminal so I hadda hear this Story in it's entirety!  Apparently her Seriously Mentally Ill Grand-Daughter was being severely bullied at her High School to the point of being Suicidal and needing Hospitalization... no Surprises to that Story... been there, done that too!   Well, when said Grandchild gets out of Adolescent Psyche Ward she refuses to send her back to the School until the Asst. Principal deals with said Bullies effectively so it would be a safe environment for her Child to return to.  Sounds reasonable.

She begins getting threatening letters from the School System {Yeah, I'm familiar with those too...} saying that excess absences means she could be threatened with Jail Time and Fines if she's not in Compliance.   Since the Bullying Incident is well documented and the Hospitalization of her Grand and what necessitated it, she holds out, awaiting the School to take action against THE BULLIES.   Nope, instead she's arrested, sent to Jail for 10 days and assessed a Grand in Fines!  Thus, why she's now sitting in Mental Health with her Kiddo awaiting Advocacy and Therapy from the Trauma of the whole shitshow she and Child have endured as VICTIMS!  The only consolation she got was that the Asst. Principal got Fired for failing to follow up on the Bullying Charges!  Small consolation... I've prevailed and gotten people Fired too, it doesn't make me feel very much like anything Changes tho'.

The System, as it stand, never ceases to slay me... I think the only reason I haven't been down same road as this Gramma is becoz they'd have to find Placement for all three of my Loved Ones, no easy feat, in fact, probably an Impossible one, in my absence.  Plus I do them the Favor of the Math... of how much per Month it would cost them to PAY FOR Caregiving for all three of them should they spirit me away from the Family for said 'Punishment', which would also be on the Taxpayer's dime... just so you know where your Tax Dollars are going in this shitshow.

  Not to mention my Promise, that once incarcerated, I'm likely to totally Lose It, cut loose and vent all my many years of pent up anger and rage upon whatever actual Criminal is handy and is foolish enuf to jerk my chain, to extend my stay.  Probably indefinitely... becoz I could go just that Bat Shit Crazy Postal and Ballistic if pushed over the edge of all Sanity and have absolutely nothing to lose.  Jail Time would be more of a Vacay than they realize for moi, and as for their Fine, they'd never get paid, I'd light the Money on Fire first in front of them!  Burn Baby Burn!!!


 So go ahead, don't threaten me with a Good Time!  *Smiles*  Thus they have tried to Work Things Out about the Truancy Charges for LEGITIMATE Mental Health Absence days that I provide sufficient Medical Documentation to justify!  Besides, even when you do send them on Psychotic Days, you get the immediate Call to come pick them up... so it's a Catch 22 either way, you can't Win for Losing!   But my Heart ached for this poor Woman in the waiting room, as if it's not bad enough a Custodial Grandparent is trying to raise a profoundly Disabled Grandchild, The System makes it MORE difficult and MORE of a Hardship than it already is... it's a disgrace!

So... that's the sort of conversations you hear whilst eavesdropping in the Waiting Room of Adolescent Mental Health Facilities... not exactly an Encouragement nor Uplifting.  My Exaggerated Head Space was expanding, mebbe I just shouldn't have overheard THAT conversation coz now I'm even more pissed off and agitated!  *LOL*   The Young Prince had overheard it too... "See!!!" he hisses vehemently, "This is ALL a waste of time... nothing will ever Change or get better... I want to leave NOW!"   About that time Mercifully they call us in... and Clark helps me Calm him down a bit... enuf to get thru said Meeting of Strategies for School and getting him an Education of some kind.

He's amenable to going to the Charter School, why not he says, I have nothing to loose, True that!   Will it be another Failure, perhaps, but at least I will have tried one more thing in the Laundry List of previously Failed things... to try to get a Seriously Mentally Ill but Genius Child an Education.  So that Hopefully one day he can manage Independent Living and be a contributing member of Society and tap into his Genius Beautiful Mind effectively... perhaps? 

  Either that or he'll need Lifetime Caregiving by me or someone else... or Institutionalization off and on or permanently... or be sitting on a Park Bench in the Rain, I'm not Sure???   I don't like to think about it much either, or The Exaggerated Head Space expands further and longer!   I've already got one Adult SMI Child, his Mother, who went down the Dark Path and into the Abyss that can be Serious Mental Health decline.   I don't like to think about Witnessing another Loved One be an absolute train wreck.

So... we get thru said Appt. relatively intact and I'm anticipating cooperation now and no more resistance, silly me, because I'm offering the allure of a Nice Healthy Restaurant Dinner option as a Reward to us both.  Especially since I missed Breakfast and had a crappy Lunch I was rather looking forward to the Comfort of one Good and Healthy Diabetic conscious Meal.  Since Hell, I have to embrace my grim diagnosis and prognosis and it's not as if the Kiddo is unaware I got serious Health Issues going on.  But he's in Psychotic Mode, remember?

I don't want to go to that Healthy Menu Restaurant, but you can, you're the Diabetic... I'll just watch you eat.    Aw shit, this after he's whined about being ravenously hungry for the past two hours on drive to Appt. and waiting for Appt. and during Appt.!!!  "I want McDonalds!" he protests loudly!  Clearly McDonalds is not the most Diabetic Friendly Menu option on the Planet, and it's not even Real Food, so I already know I'm not eating there... but...

  If you have never, ever, tried to Reason with a Psychotic Person, Word Up, don't waste your breath or your precious energy and time.  Don't get sucked into their Psychosis... contact has been Lost with external Reality and engaging is futile and could even escalate to some pretty intense shit you don't wanna hafta be handling!  Especially not trapped in a vehicle with them careening down the road together!  You'd be Proud of me tho', I didn't push him out of the moving vehicle {they frown on Parents doing that no matter how your overall Sanity is Tested... Winks}... I didn't even do a Thelma and Louise tho' I felt like it... yay Me!  A small Victory, but a Victory nonetheless!

I went thru the McDonald's drive-thru, stoic... he ate his greasy non-food contently and during the long Silent drive *Home {See Footnote: we actually then went to Urgent Care for the Ear he couldn't hear out of...}... we said nothing.  And eventually The Shark look left his Eyes... and as we rolled into the driveway it was as if nothing had happened... which is the Surreal part of dealing with those living with Mental Illness... the Switch.   The Switch is even more eerie actually than the Psychotic Event to me... or the time leading up to it, which you can usually see coming on if you're vigilant... and you better be!

Because how do you do it... pretend like it didn't happen either?  Because YOU will remember it, all of it and how awful it all was.  Well, for me, and especially after a very intense day where too many Negative things happen and I become completely Overwhelmed, I just fall into bed and Sleep it off.  Because whenever I wake up, it's usually a brand new day... and we can start over with a blank slate.   

By then The Exaggerated Head Space where Drama reigns and skewed perspective is disabling and renders you practically non-functional has subsided... and it can be back to business as usual in Mi Vida Loca.  Where you wake up the next Morning and realize, Yup, The Man forgot he was going to make you that Dinner you Needed last Night, you even forgot to wake up or be woken up and take your Insulin Shot before a NORMAL Bedtime... and this is why you're probably doomed Girl!


*PS Footnote: Ooops, I almost forgot to add that we also squeezed in an Urgent Care visit for him for that pesky Ear infection brought on by Spring Allergies... coz with Kids it's ALWAYS SOMETHING... so just a little somethin-somethin thrown into the already Crazy Mix... because why not have a Medical semi-emergency when he can't hear out of one Ear, right?!  *winks*


*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Monday, March 20, 2017

I Got The Fever... Spring Fever!



I got the Fever... Spring Fever... and I got it BAD!   I Love Spring, it makes me want to spend all of my time outdoors in Nature.  I pay attention to Nature more in the Springtime, at least I thought I did.  This Owl was perched on one leg in a Tree, on a branch inches from my head as I sauntered by, in a Parking Lot by the Barnes & Noble Bookstore, quietly watching me, unafraid!!! 




 Had it not swiveled it's head, like Owls do, catching my attention by the sudden unexpected movement, I might have missed it!   Even tho' it was so close I couldn't believe my Eyes!  Pedestrians scurried by... unawares of Nature's close Presence... Calmly watching us!  I fumbled for my Cell Phone to take these Images, Hoping it wouldn't fly off... it Graciously allowed me to take several, even very close ones, with a stern gaze looking straight into my Eyes.




Sometimes Nature seems to be Preening and Showing Off as we take Notice... and take our Photographs of them.   Look at me, aren't I Splendid?  Yes, indeed you are!!!   And when Nature Vogues for the Camera and I can capture such Amazing Imagery thru the Eye of my Lens I couldn't be more Thrilled!  Thank You, for being Still and allowing me the privilege of capturing your Magnificence in the Moment that we meet!   I think to myself, is this your first ever Photograph, that will Forever now capture your Essence, Personality and Beauty!? 




I think of all the Animals that have Lived their Lifetime and Died without ever being seen, let alone Photographed!   Of all the Flowers that Bloomed and put on some of Nature's Greatest Breathtaking Shows, but without an Audience to even See the spectacular Spectacle!   I think about God Creating such Beautiful Diversity down to the tiniest of details, just for His Pleasure in all of Creation, across our vast Globe and beyond, to the Stars and Galaxies that Exist... and I stand in complete Awe!




Each and every Moment various Creatures go about their Instinctive and Important Work, doing what they do... and we barely Notice.   Various studies are tossing about the theories that if the 20,000 species of Bees became extinct, Mankind might not last any more than 4 mere years!!!  Or at the very least, have devastating consequences of just this one seemingly lowly Creature disappearing from our remarkable Planet!!!   The Bee's Work clearly is more Important and crucial than any Work I've ever performed, I'm not that indispensable, a very Humbling thought indeed!




The normally barren Desert floor is carpeted in many areas with a profusion of various Wildflowers thriving after our unseasonably Wet Winter.   Individually you might not take Note, but in such profusion you can't Help but Notice and have it take your breath away!!!   It's hard for me to drive by any area where Nature has decided to put on such a Show roadside because I keep wanting to stop and linger... to soak it all in!




Lately I've been taking to going to Fav Restaurants to get Take Out munchies I can take along on Nature Walks and nosh on as I have 'Dinner and a Show' so to speak.   This day it was Fresh Open Fire Charred Garlic and Herb Naan Flatbread the size of a Pizza, that I got from an Afghani Halal Restaurant downtown that has the most delish foods on the Menu.  It was so Fresh and Hot I could barely hold it, this is only a half of one piece... you get two enormous pieces for about two bucks!




I want to spend every Morning taking Nature Walks all over the Desert areas around the City.   This is the Ideal time of the year for me to ramp up my exercise regimen and get out to Walk as often and as long as I'm able.   I Wish that The Man could still do the Walks with me, we used to Walk Miles together, sometimes every day before or after Work.   Taking Nature Walks with anyone is the most Fantastic Quality Time spent together, communing with Nature and with each other.




But even on days when I can't get out and Walk or leave Home, our Yard is in Bloom with the Cacti I brought over and transplanted from our Old Homestead.  I couldn't bring the hundreds of varieties I had there on our Acreage, since Villa Boheme's Yards are much smaller and thus easier to maintain.   I do miss so many of my Cacti and Wildflowers I had at Old Bohemian Valhalla, but to whom much is given, much is required.   I am now Enjoying less Work in a smaller more Curated Landscaped Parcel of Land.




Out here so close to the Natural Desert I've found that the transplanted Cacti are behaving differently, which was really unexpected.  They used to close up their Blooms at Night when growing in the City... but out here they stay open Night and Day, to be pollinated by the profusion of Native Creatures I suspect out here in the Rural Burbs!?!   I watched as tiny Bats came to pollinate last Night, attracted by the dozens of Bright Blooms on this one Cactus!!!




And at this higher elevation near the Mountain Range they are Blooming more prolifically as well.   Though there are already dozens of Open Blooms that have been flowering for days, more Buds are now appearing until almost every inch of the Cactus explodes with Color!




One of my other transplants is this one, which was a Fav of The G-Kid Force... it is a Night Blooming Variety mostly pollinated by Bats and might remain open thru early Morning.  The Blooms are very tall on long slender stalks that wilt and fall over once spent.  I could only take a small portion of this Cactus with us so this is an Image from the Old Property during a Blooming cycle when the plant was whole.   But it seems the smaller transplants are doing Okay in their New Environment and I soon Hope they grow as large as the original clump of them was so I can get Shows like this every Spring.




Every so often we catch sight of the Wild Burro roaming about in the Desert... not so much near the Cities.   Though a few herds have learned it's Easy Living near smaller Tourist Towns like Oatman, Arizona, where they have become rather a famous attraction and can be hand fed.  If you roam the backroads you often see them and like the Range Cattle, they aren't that concerned about the occasional Traveler passing through.   Sometimes they won't even bother to get out of the middle of the dirt road, getting a bit of a Thrill of having the Right Of Way.  *Smiles*




Yes, Spring in the Desert is Timeless... and every single Spring I got the Fever, Spring Fever... and it lures me outside to Commune with Nature and re-discover it all over again!   As if for the first time... and yet, so very Familiar that our Spirit Connects on a very Deep Carnal level.




And even as hyper as I typically am, out in Nature I can easily be Still... and Rest in that Stillness, renewing myself and soothing any racing thoughts.  In Nature is a Quieter Natural Meditation and a Special Closeness to The Creator of it all... His Presence everywhere is Magnified with the absence of what Man has Created.




And of coarse at Home we Create our own little Natural Worlds, filled with many varieties of Plants that aren't Native but which thrive and add to the Beauty of our Gardens.   I have a particular Fondness for Bulbs and I stick some in just about every Pot I own to Bloom Seasonally for that brief period they do... alongside whatever is growing in the Pot year round and is more visible longer.




Yes, in the Manicured Burbs it's not quite the same as the Reckless Show of Nature we had at the Old Homestead's Acreage... but it can still be quite Lovely in it's own way.   And if I want to see Nature unobstructed by Man, I need only to travel a little ways up the Road to the untouched Pristine Desert to the West of us.    I find it rather ironic that the very word Manicured has the words 'Man' and 'I' and 'Cured' in it... as if we Humans, in trying to Tame Nature, have Cured or improved upon a damned thing that Nature itself can clearly do BETTER... we're so Arrogant sometimes aren't we?  *LOL*




So I'll end this Post with an Orange Blossom and have you Imagine the heady Scent of it's Rich Intoxicating Aroma hanging in the air... Happy Spring my Friends... have you got The Fever too?

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Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian 

Sunday, March 19, 2017

For The Good Of All



This is going to be a Dark Post and perhaps a difficult read but it needs to be said and so I'm just gonna say it... with few Images, since my storage capacity is maxed out and yet I still have a lot to say in my little Bloggy World.  And I'm part of The Resistance so my Militancy cannot be stifled, nor can I be pushed off my humble Soapbox and silenced so long as I have breath left in me!  If it's on my Heart and Mind you can't shut me up!!! *Smiles*

That was my Disclaimer, so if you're here for Pretty Pictures and Inspiration, just know that Today is NOT gonna be the day... not here.   And it's Okay if you come back some other time when it is and I'm not going Deep and Contemplative about the State of the World... especially my World and my observations of it.  Which you don't have to Agree with... we can Agree to Disagree, I'm Okay with that too.

When Economic downturns and Social instability exist then resources tend to be protected and rationed... so Society reverts to Wild Kingdom Mode as I like to call it.   Mankind is supposed to be a higher functioning species than most of the animal Kingdom, but really we're not so different on a carnal and instinctive level than any of the other animals surviving on this Planet.

When the above aforementioned environment exists, then someone has to go overboard and so long as it's not 'them', well, 'they' can be Okay with that 'sacrifice' of someone who isn't them or theirs.  And until it's YOU... well, you can feel Secure that nobody is gonna throw you or yours overboard for 'The Good Of All'.

And to tell those going overboard, hey, it's for 'The Good Of All' is no consolation is it?   As I watch with a heavy Heart the Political shitshow playing out daily after this crazy election, and even instability around the World, I realize a lot are going to be thrown overboard for 'The Good Of All', or so they say and want us to Believe.   I'm NOT a Believer that way anyway, it goes against any Godly Belief I have... so I simply won't be a part of it.  Even if Fear is trying to be instilled daily to make it seem more palatable and Socially acceptable.  

 And I realize that until each knows it's not going to be them being cast overboard, they could be Okay with that... and that is even more horrifying as a measure of the demise of a civilized Society in my humble opinion.  One with a conscience and any compassion left within the Hearts of the 'All' we speak of.  When we can justify doing the Wrong thing for perceived Right reasons, it's a slippery slope into the Abyss of whose next to 'sacrifice' or vilify or turn on?

How any Society treats it's most vulnerable, those with no Voice and no apparent or perceived Value to The Whole, is indeed a measure of said Society. In the animal Kingdom of coarse the weak, the old, the very young, the different, the most vulnerable, the disabled, the sick, the dying, well, they usually don't make it once separated from The Herd protecting them.  But mass hysteria and Fear can alter The Herd's behaviors and protective instincts in peculiar ways... Predators know this.

 If a Predator of a high order is present, even the most diligent of Herds attempting to protect the most vulnerable in their midst usually won't be very successful.  If you've watched the Wild Kingdom shows it can be pretty brutal and horrific can't it?  Do we really want to see Human Beings suffer that fate due to the reality that they Need protection by the rest of us?  And that some will be trying to convince us they should be 'sacrificed', you know, for 'The Good Of All'?

Is it so overwhelming to perceive Investing in the most vulnerable among us is going to actually jeopardize the well being of 'The All'?  Clearly when so much is squandered or exploited by the privileged among us, can we really justify making it up by taking away what little the most vulnerable in our Society receives for their very Survival and any Quality of Life or a mere Existence? 

I find it very hard to swallow that by cutting every lifeline to the most vulnerable in our Society that 'The Good Of All' is going to be Served.   No matter what Spin is put upon it, that doesn't ring True for me... there is a deeper Agenda I suspect, an insidious, callous and convenient one actually.  I could find it more plausible and even palatable to make the cuts where there is so much excess that it is vulgar and obscene.  

But of coarse that won't happen, excess Privilege equals Power... and perceived Value in our Society is measured by such Success.  How much Money are we gonna allegedly 'Save' is being touted as admirable, regardless of whom it 'sacrifices'.  Once overboard we don't have to sustain or worry about 'them' on our ship, they'll drown and all will be right with the World... or will it?

 See, there will be more for YOU if we take it from THEM... who is THEM is subject to change without notice.  When will YOU become a THEM you should be asking?  Power corrupts, absolute Power absolutely corrupts... Trust me, Believe me... isn't that what 45 likes to say?  I never Trust or Believe anyone who says that too much... he says it way too much, Why?  I Wonder shit like that when assessing People and their possible Agendas and why they say certain stuff that sends up Red Flags in my Brain, especially too often.

  If a Millionaire or Billionaire receives even a minuscule cut for 'The Good Of All', will they even miss it after all... and would it really be 'sacrificial'?  They wouldn't even have to be thrown overboard, in fact, nobody would.  Their very Survival wouldn't be affected at all actually, to have a little less and still have a lot.   When you have so many zeroes in your net worth I'm not saying you have to Save the World or even that you didn't earn it, you probably did.

You don't even have to be a Great Philanthropist or not be overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of Need without limits that some in Society will always have by the hand dealt them.  It IS overwhelming, ask anyone who is Living it daily... Caring for those with an 'Ever' situation going on.   Someone with no Cure, no Recovery date, perhaps even no Hope of it ever getting better from their Lot in Life.

For those of us knowing we're living in 'Everland'... it's daunting enough to know that the Loved ones need Advocacy and protection... and the responsibility of prolonged Care for 'Ever'.   You know that as long as they live, or you live, that's your Reality.   We can often endure a lot when we know it's temporary, when it's permanent then the tables can turn and compassion can have limits.

I know this because in a temporary Crisis most People respond with compassion because there is the perception one can make a difference and alleviate some burdens or suffering... for a while... until it's over.  With a comfortable amount of Investment that isn't overwhelming and has results that are mostly positive and uplifting.  Things we Value... Happy Endings.  We don't like Endings that are not going to be Happy, do we?  Almost no Hollywood Movies have Unhappy Endings for that reason... even the most terrible ones.  You couldn't Sell a Movie like that to the masses... too scary, depressing and overwhelming! 

 It's admirable when compassion responds with Love in Action by Society or a Community.   When it is never over tho', that Investment has no time limit, might be perceived as making no difference to the outcome... and since it's never over, compassion grows tired and weary.  Is it all Worth it?  We like to think everything has Worth you see when we Invest in it... Value... and we thus place Values on things... and even upon People... Human Beings... based on their Contributions mostly and their Outcome.

The weak, the old, the very young, the most vulnerable, the disabled, the sick, the dying, the different... are often Valued less in the Grand Valuing System put in place by who contributes what to Society and 'The Good Of All' mentality.  Who will we come for first then?  You know, when the shit hits the fan and things get shaky and shady, when stability falters and Society looks for who must go overboard because they're potentially ballast and there is fear that the ship is sinking?

After all, we can't all go down with the Ship... nowadays even the Captain has a tendency to bail and go for himself when the ship is going down!  We need to keep this ship on top of the water and not shipwrecked!  So perhaps in the Mind's Eye there can be Justification for 'sacrificing' someone else... you know... so long as it isn't YOU... or yours?! 

 Isn't that how it goes?  There might not even be any Guilt or Sorrow about who went overboard.  Involuntarily of coarse, 'coz it's not like they had a Choice anyway, they were thrown overboard.  Ah Yes, the 'convenient' handy sacrifice that couldn't resist enough not to be victimized or exploited for the alleged 'Good Of All'.  

 Perhaps we can Hope they can Swim or Float to 'safety', where I dunno... that Illusion is possible... in a Perfect Imaginary World anyway.  But we're not living in a Perfect Imaginary World, are we, this is Real shit... with Real people... but we don't like to have to think about what will happen to those 'sacrificed'.  If we don't have to SEE their actual demise we might be able to just gloss over it and get on with our little lives unaffected by what has been done to 'The Others'. So long as it's NOT us... erasing it from Memory or conscience, forgetting any atrocities committed against 'them'.

I don't like what I see, I don't like what the masses are apparently becoming Okay with in the way of who and what to involuntarily 'sacrifice' for the alleged 'Good Of All'... with 'The All' being Them, and the sacrificed being 'NOT Them'.  I guess I'm the Fool that has overdosed on compassion to the point that tho' I am indeed weary and tired of extending it as a long time Caregiver, I feel enough conscience and Investment in whose on my ship that if it goes down, I guess I'm going down with it.

And I'm not throwing anyone overboard for my Good or 'The Good Of All' because I couldn't sleep at Night with that blood on my Hands and knowing I was a part of such callousness towards any of Humanity, not one.  I couldn't be accountable to my God for that either or make sufficient excuses for justifying that kind of Inhumanity and logic, or the lack thereof. 

  I will Trust that if I go down with my Ship and trying to Save the most vulnerable still on board, that God will sustain me for doing the Right thing, the Godly thing.  Therefore I am part of The Resistance... and I might be a small Voice but I'm a f---ing loud, tenaciously persistent one I tell you!  Even if we don't prevail and we're thrown overboard as the ballast of our seriously altered Society and the gods they might Worship... or not.  I couldn't even presume to know, but I suspect things and agendas are being Worshiped and People are therefore being Sacrificed at their Altars?

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Darkly and cynically contemplatively yours Today from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Our Anniversary And Making Ten Bucks At The Yard Sale That Day...



Today was our Anniversary... we been Married a very long time.  And due to the complexity of the Caregiver Thing we got going on daily with The Man and The G-Kid Force... well, we weren't sure we were even going to try to do anything Special, let alone Romantic!  *She throws her head back and laughs maniacally at the utter absurdity of that statement!*  Over the many years of Caregiving I have become resigned to that Fact, our Anniversary is gonna be like any other day... yee-haw!  Tho' in my Mind's Eye I still Feel like we should attempt to do something... anything... even if it's not Special, let alone Romantic... and even if we have to drag The Force along and usually under protest?!




So, the Sweet and Friendly Neighbors directly next door had wanted to Host this Block Yard Sale, which would run Friday thru Saturday, so why not participate and try to make a buck, even tho' it would be our Anniversary and all Today?   Friday didn't go too badly, but immediately I realize that in this more affluent Subdivision Hell, most of your Customers are going to be The Help and not anyone from the actual Community.  Why was I so Surprised?  So, I was Thankful for The Help, who were Friendly, Personable and came by before or after working for The Neighbors.  They were mostly my only Customers and bought a fair amount that day.  It was nice not to have to deal with any Pretentious people that day, clearly I get along better with The Help Socially than I can with the majority of The Neighbors.  *Smiles*




The 'Block Sale' had exactly three Participants... us, the Neighbors next door Hosting it... and a Family at the end of the Street.   Clearly they don't 'Do' Yard Sales around here or Community Building Activities much.  *LMAO*  And Saturday, our Anniversary, was a total bust, I made Ten Bucks that day, so packed it up prematurely.   The only thing more Foolish than spending your Anniversary holding a freakin' Yard Sale when it's already in the Ninety Plus Degree Temperature range... is only making Ten Bucks at it that day and seeing it thru to the bitter end!  *LOL*  And tho' I made a Mental Note To Self that this would be the first and last Yard Sale I'd hold in Subdivision Hell, at least between the two days combined I'd made enough for a fancy Anniversary Luncheon at a Favorite Restaurant.  Insert Happy Ending... well, almost... there was LOADS of unexpected Drama and Crisis, as usual, so the Anniversary Date got cut way short... but hey... Mi Vida Loca... like I said before, it was like any other day.  *Smiles*




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And I'm now apparently out of my online storage space quota dammit!  So... rather than buy more space, I may have to do a big ole' Purge of Archived Images and Archived Blog Posts since I'm a Pathological Picture Taker and Blog Writer so it was inevitable we would come to this juncture.   So... if you don't hear from me in a while... this will be why... I'll be on temporary hiatus dumping Data like a Crazy Woman to make room for more Blogging!  *Winks*


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Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl